I Painted This Painting of Don Cheadle Painting Blue Don Cheadle

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I painted a painting of Don Cheadle painting blue Don Cheadle.

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That is all.

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A Pocket Full of Murder with RJ Anderson ~ VSWS #37

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So what does fanfiction, fairies, Canada, and hunting for Windingos have in common? RJ Anderson on The Very Serious Writing Show of course.

RJ outlines for us some of the situations she’s come across in writing, from international publishing to working with secular editors to republishing her work.  This interview is GOLD, I tell you, GOLD!!!!  YOU SHALL BE ENLIGHTENED!  YOUR CHILDREN WILL THANK YOU!  YOUR FRIENDS WILL REVERE YOU!  SMALL WOODLAND CREATURES WILL DO YOUR LAUNDRY FOR YOU-not really that doesn’t actually happen sorry. 

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RJ ANDERSON KNOWS CARP.

Okay, I know y’all love a good random comedy episode, but this is solid business information.  Anderson lays out details of publication that I hadn’t even thought about until now.  And this is my blog so I write what I want.

A lot of us don’t like the business side of writing.  We wish it would just go away.  And hopefully that happy dream will happen to some extent once an agent is found to team up with, but sometimes it’s not.

I like to understand the business.  Who here would have thought to ask to retain international book rights when looking at a publishing deal???

RJ managed to be successful with the Brits when her book didn’t fare as well in the US, and the reasons her books succeeded and failed in both are so enlightening.  We have to understand that our books are going to be a part of a lineup, and where we end up on that lineup is going to make a difference in book sales.

I also really am interested in her talk about the market stigma, about Christian vs General market.  I’m not against Christian publishing at all, and I love Christian books, but DANG.

If there really isn’t that much opposition to subtle Christian messaging (which for some of us is the max amount we want) in the secular market . . . maybe that’s where we should be looking.  Maybe the secular market isn’t as anti-Christian as we assumed.

This warrants a heck-of-a-lot more research, because if so . . . we can save ourselves the trouble of trying to break through the wall of Amish Romance and get our wacky, out-there stories published and still maintain our themescapes.  This possibility has me really excited.

Okay okay okay I’m beating you over the head with business.  You ought to take some comfort though in her fanfic stories though.  For real.  RJ is us.  She likes nerding out over Doctor Who and writing fanfic of it, and she’s a published author.  What does this tell me?  It’s the same thing I’ve come to believe from all the other interviews.

The difference between an unpublished writer and a published writer is just that: publication.  Cause Wayne Thomas Batson uses fantasy name generators and RJ Anderson writes fan fiction.

You don’t have to change yourself to become a published author, and likewise, you’re not waiting on yourself to become whatever you think a “real” writer looks like.  You’re already there.

The only difference between you and many of these people is a business deal.  Not to say that the difference in experience isn’t substantial; but it’s not that different from when they themselves got into the industry.

I have friends who have great stories.  I have friends who have alright stories that need more polishing, and are worth the effort.

Keep working on them.  And then shoot for the stars.  Cause I’m starting to believe that the stars are a lot closer to the ground than we think they are.

And now, RJ’S STUFF

KNIFE (Book 1 in Not Just Another Fairy Tale): 

A Pocket Full of Murder

WEBSITE
FACEBOOK
TWITTER

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10 Reasons “The Revenant” is the Best Valentines Date Movie

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Finding the perfect date movie is hard.  Finding the perfect VALENTINES DAY DATE MOVIE is nigh impossible.  That is why, for your benefit, I have previewed this week’s selection of cinematic experience and found that film which expresses most fully the ideas and emotions of Valentines Day: “The Revenant”, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy.  This epic saga of a really awful-looking Leo nearly dying over and over in horrible ways exemplifies everything Valentines Day means, and to demonstrate this, I have provided below 10 entirely valid reasons this is the case.

1. Blood is Romantic
“The Revenant” contains a variety of scenes featuring obscene amounts of blood.  Science tells us that blood is pumped through bodies by the heart.  Hearts are a classic Valentines day symbol, and the sight of snow, clothing, faces, and various mutilated body parts coated in the red sticky life-liquid will stir up deep emotions in both yourself and your date.

2. Cupid Imagery
In this film, there are depictions of Native Americans.  Throughout the film, Native Americans are seen to impale their combatants with arrows from great distance, with the film’s visual and sound design team clearly working overtime to accentuate the gruesome realism this entails.  These images call to mind the fat angel-child Cupid, slaying his victims with arrows of infatuation.  With every arrow through the throat, you’ll be reminded of the arrow that struck your heart when you met that special person you’re sharing your Valentine’s Day with.

3. Bears of Love
It’s traditional oftentimes for couples to gift each other with Valentines Day themed teddy bears.  In “The Revenant,” Leo is himself is gifted with a bear.  This parallel makes a strong case for the allegorical nature of the picture, and further solidifies this masterpiece’s position as the best Valentines Day film ever created.

4. Provides Romantic Opportunity
As horrific imagery lingers upon the screen, you may take this opportunity to fling your arms around your significant other in dramatic fashion.  This scenario, despite it’s catalyst, is very romantic, and can be taken advantage of in upwards of 37 different scenes throughout “The Revenant”.  Because so many scenes.  So many.

5. Ugly Lips
Towards the latter half of the film, it becomes impossible not to notice just how chapped Leo’s lips are.  Try as you might, you will not be able to focus on the dialogue, the events, or even the scenery.  Leo’s horribly mangled lips will be all you can see.  Studies show that a significant majority of people use their lips during kissing, and the sight of these, the most ugly lips of all the lips, will remind both you and your date of this ritual, and will also provide a wonderful conversation starter to set the mood for smooching.

6. Test of Endurance
Perhaps you’re in a relationship advanced to the point where contemplation of the holiest of matrimonies dances through your head, but you must still determine whether or not you are truly capable of spending the rest of your life with your potential partner.  “The Revenant” is not quite as long as that, but it sure as heck feels like it, and thereby provides fertile ground for testing the longevity of your relationship.

7. Bro Moment
There’s this really whacko scene where Leo and this random unnamed Native American dude sit around and catch snowflakes on their tongues.  So there’s that.

8. Scruffiness
Within the run-time of “The Revenant,” there are many masculine individuals with horrible scraggly homeless people beards.  It can be nearly guaranteed that no matter how terrible your boyfriend’s (or girlfriend’s) facial hair might be, it will be absolutely beautiful by comparison.  This can only benefit your relationship.  The added benefit that your girlfriend will find it hard to think of DiCaprio or Tom Hardy as attractive after the complete viewing of this motion picture is also worth consideration.

9. Warm Pony
Perhaps you like to snuggle.  Perhaps also you like horses.  Leo displays his love of both of these things.  Simultaneously.

10. You could always be THAT couple
You may recall my earlier point about Leo’s lips.  Due to the sheer length of this cinematic experience, one could easily spend the entire date smooching in the back of the darkened theater.  You will not miss much.

Or you could do what everyone else is doing and watch Ryan Reynolds make death poop jokes.   Cause that’s romantic.

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